I don’t know that I had a pre-conceived notion of how I would feel in the time leading up to having a child. For most of this pregnancy, I was my normal obsessive, list making, detail obsessed, worrying type self. (Hey, at least I admit it.) But, lately I have been enveloped in an almost unnerving calm. Even though everything is not exactly where I would like it to be; I’m not tense and uptight. This lack of stress seems unnatural to me, but it feels divine. It feels like the way somebody should feel before embarking on one of the biggest life changes you can make.
Now, it’s nothing but a waiting game. Our written due date is January 24th, but we all know that means little. She could come tomorrow, and she could come two weeks from now. It feels a little strange to be so completely out of control of something that is happening inside my own body, but it is a powerful reminder of how amazing our bodies really are. I have faith in my body that it knows what to do. I don’t feel fearful of anything, really. There is nothing but a calm sense of anticipation and excitement.
Everybody talks about New Years resolutions, but I only have one. To learn to be the best Mother I can be. To be try and take this feeling of calm with me into the many moments that I will no doubt be stressed, exhausted and frustrated. I can’t claim to know what the future holds; I can only hope to handle it with love in my heart.