Thursday I got the call from my Papa that they have finally put my Granny into a nursing home. This is a decision he’s been fighting for a while now, because he loves her more than anything, and he wanted to be the one to take care of her. But, he just couldn’t do it in the condition she’s in. I am amazed that he held on as long as he could. He is a stubborn man. His undying, unwavering love for my Granny through all her medical issues has been a constant inspiration to me. For years it made ME believe in true love.
All weekend I’ve been in pretty much a state of distress after everything I was told about her current condition. I knew that she’s been having problems for quite some time, and I had even posted about her here in my photo blog a few times.
Today, my brother Jonathan and I went out to Mineola to see her. I guess, honestly, part of me had hoped that in my head I’d made it out to be worse than it actually was. But, it is that bad. I just don’t really know what to say or think at this point. Even knowing that I am almost two hours from her is killing me. I want to be there every single day. I want to guard her, watch over her, and make sure she is well cared for. I hate that life has me so entangled that I can’t be what I truly want to be for her right now.
In my crazy life growing up, my grandparents’ house was always a comforting place of routine. We had our habits that we loved to follow every time we stayed over, which was often for most of my youth. My Granny would make us cinnamon toast in the toaster oven every morning. It was the only time I ever ate white bread, but for some reason, cinnamon toast just tastes better on white bread. Every evening at 8 PM, it was ice cream time. There were always two half gallons of Blue Bell in the freezer, waiting for it to be 8 o’clock. I would dust all of their little ceramic knick knacks, and they’d give me a couple of dollars and take me to the flea market, where I’d buy mood lipstick and little aluminum rings. I used to pretend to stay asleep when I woke up every morning, just to listen to my grandparent’s hushed voices as they chatted and drank their coffee. It always felt so good to me.
As I got older, and let’s say… I was perhaps a little bit rebellious…I was never judged. I could always tell my Granny anything, and everything. She and my Papa didn’t care if I had purple hair, pink hair, green hair, or whatever color hair. Sure, I might get some razzing from Papa, but they never made me feel bad about myself.
In my eyes, my Granny is the world’s perfect grandmother. And I promise you that my brothers and cousins would say the same.
Although it pains me in ways I can’t describe to see her like this, as I sat with her, and looked at her, I just thought to myself how beautiful she is.
I am so very thankful that she was coherent enough to talk to us some. She’s really not there, but she seemed to mostly know who we were, and she just kept saying over and over again.. “I love you so much..”.
I love her so much.
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brandi this is so heartbreaking, i recently lost my gramma and i know how hard this must be for you. our prayers and thoughts are with you and your family. i loved reading your story about your visits with your grandparents, it reminds me of my experiences too, i think i’ll give my grandpa a call. take care.
These photos brought tears to my eyes. Take care dear.
After so many years of knowing you and seeing your photos, your Granny's face is so familiar to me. This broke my heart… But always remember that you are are following right in her footsteps — you are strong and beautiful, too.
Love ya, sweetie. Hang in there. <3
Wow! These photos are priceless. I remember what these days feel like and know that we are thinking of you. Stay strong and take in every moment.
my goodness, these are beautiful! especially the first one. wow. viewing them and then going back to read your story made me all weepy. so glad for you that you had such wonderful people in your life that made your growing up a warm and happy memory.
So sorry about her health… but she is so blessed to have you all there for her! Some people don’t have anyone who care about them. I have one grandma left, and I love her to pieces. Her health is failing, but there are times when I thought we were going to lose her, and then 2 months later, she was back on her feet. She wanted to get back to her friends at the assisted living home, ha!
“I love you so much….”
that is beautiful.
What a beautiful way to put your relationship into words. She is lovely, you can tell. I bet she is simply happy that so many people care about her. Keep strong!
Brandi, this is a beautiful post. Grant and I have gone through losing people in the last few years as well and as much bad stuff as there is, I love how it makes us open our eyes a little more when it comes to everyday life. Thanks for sharing your memories with us. 🙂
Brandi, this was a really touching post about your Granny. She truly sounds like the best grandma ever. Not being judged when you are different was a great gift to you from her. I’m sure she always supported you and thought you were amazingly talented.
This is an amazing post.. I am so touched by your words and pictures… 🙂
As all your photos are, those are beautiful…I love the one of you and her talking…
I have big hugs for you and am always here if you need an ear or shoulder to cry on…
Love you mucho!
brandi, I’m sorry to hear of your grannie’s health. much love to you. the pictures – will be timeless and I’m glad you took them.